Ryanair: An Interlude

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Where do I begin?

Is it the fact that we board from the ground, in no particular order, in a mad scramble?

Or the fact that there are ads on the luggage bins, like you would find on a New York subway?

Maybe it’s because the flight attendants on a flight between two English speaking countries seem to have enormous difficulties with the language.

Well, we landed. So that’s a plus.

Some potential Ryanair announcements:

“Good evening, passengers. This is your Captain speaking. We have reached 10,000 feet, so it is safe to use all approved electronics. However, in order to provide you with the best savings, we will be shutting down the engines for the remainder of the flight. Thank you for flying with us.”

“Good evening, passengers. This is your Captain speaking. As a weight-saving measure we will be jettisoning the cockpit in 30 seconds. It has been an honor to serve you.”

“Good evening passengers. This is your Captain speaking. We have just landed in Edinburgh. I’m going to chalk that one up to beginner’s luck.”

“Good evening, passengers. This is your Captain speaking. Tonight’s meal will be comprised chiefly of flesh from your fellow passengers. If you wish to purchase this stew, the price is €8.83. as a reminder, Ryanair is a cash free airline. We accept only Discover or Diner’s Club cards.
Thank you for flying with us.”

Yours Truly,
Ganesh

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